The In Crowd

Ah, the "It's not right! Mom!" defense. Was she kidding? As any kid can tell you, that weak line usually ends with a judgment of "Tough!" And that's exactly my response to Paris Hilton's mental breakdown yesterday. Yes, I feel a tiny bit bad for her. I hate to see anyone get that upset. But what a great Friday, huh? That was way better than the day she was first sentenced. Heck, it was better than the OJ chase and Michael Jackson Verdict Day combined.

It was the sob heard 'round the world, and even the Muggles are celebrating.

Phew, that was a close one. We were almost at the point where Amnesty International needed to start a letter-writing campaign. You will not believe this injustice ... Paris Hilton was so mentally distraught over her situation she could not even eat her prison-supplied hot dog at dinner. Can you imagine? This is America, for God's sake. Hot dogs are our birth right. Thankfully, the bumbling, blushing L.A. sheriff's deputies stepped in and made an executive decision. I don't even want to think about the inhumanity she would've suffered if she had to stay behind bars for FOUR days in a row! By now, she's probably just skin and b- ... hey, wait just a minute!

I'm not saying it's easier to be physically abused by your Hollywood parent than it is to be raised by Dina Lohan ... but bruises do go away, and adult children can let it all out in a tell-all book later in life. What Dina Lohan has done to Lindsay Lohan is personality abuse, and there's hardly any chance of getting over that. Dina, herself, is a well-known partier (one who allegedly makes frequent trips to the bathroom just like her daughter). She's also apparently a big, fat liar because it's just come out there's no record of her ever being a Rockette, as she claimed, or a Broadway actress, another claim, or even a commercial actress, yet another claim.

In this month's In Style magazine, we get to see celebrity dads looking even cuter because they're saddled with their real-world responsibilities in the "Their Heart Belongs to Daddy" spread. Michael J. Fox with his four little lookalikes? Adorable. But alas there's one photo in the spread that sent shivers down my spine. And, no, it wasn't Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers looking like he might sacrifice his baby to the devil for a methadone lollipop and some tube socks. It was Ashton Kutcher and Bruce Willis sharing the frame with Bruce and Demi's three girls. To me, both men looked slightly uncomfortable.