Island Packet and Beaufort Gazette Blogs

What a week! The astronauts are drunk and most of the world is probably psychotic

Posted by elizfarrell at 1:40 pm, Friday, July 27th, 2007
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A few stories of unbelievable worth (click on the headlines to read them):

Astronauts get sloppy before heading to space
Have you ever been on that Mission:Space ride at Epcot? It's the one where you get 800 warnings about how you might just die on it and are you sure this is how you want to go? During it, you virtually blast off to Mars, and if you're the kind of person who gets the slightest bit dizzy having your body spun in vicious circles by unrelenting machinery, then forget it. You're going to vomit and possibly have a coronary. It makes grown men cry (I swear my husband hasn't been the same since, and it's been two years). Little did we know that the key to G-force mastery was getting trashed before hopping in our space capsule. ... There is literally nothing left to shock me. I thought astronauts were supposed to be wicked smart. Now they're nothing but a bunch of space cowboys sidling up to the lunar saloon before launch ... actually, that makes them sound kind of sexy in a John Wayne Meets the Jetsons sort of way ... no, I have to be strong. They're space dorks who didn't get the partying out of their systems back when they should have because they were too busy studying in college. Now they're spazzing out with billions of dollars of taxpayers' equipment. But what can we expect? You know what they say about those in diapers.

Deer runs over bicyclist

Posted by dlauderdale at 10:10 am, Thursday, July 26th, 2007
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[img_assist|nid=22862|title=|desc=Photo by Mic Smith|link=node|align=left|width=150|height=99]

  • Deer me: Jill Coley of the Charleston Post and Courier tells about the 71-year-old Seabrook Island woman who was knocked unconscious by a deer while innocently riding her bicycle.

    Quote:
    The deer struck her handlebars on the left side.

    "I could feel that warm fur as I went down," she said.

    And to think that on Hilton Head Island they shoot deer for nibbling impatiens.

    • Paris Hilton has plotted to take down your daughters

    Posted by elizfarrell at 12:35 pm, Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
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    Calling all units. America's jails are about to be overrun by dippy overprivileged girls pining for their very own mugshots a la Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Soon, you'll hear The Mothers Who Live Vicariously Through Their Daughters bragging to each other, masking their voices with false woe, "My Vanessa blew a .13 and fought with the police officer. She said he was VERY rude to her, though. He wouldn't even let her text me so that I'd know she'd be late. She's 26! If she wants to use her phone to call her mother, she should. Anyway, they impounded the SLK, so now she's driving the Lexus, which means I'm in the Audi ... ugh, I feel like I'm 40 in the Audi!"

    Get ahead in life

    Posted by dlauderdale at 11:06 am, Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
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    Some feedback on today's column, "Road to Success No Easy Street for Some TCL Students."

  • " I have a friend, born and raised on Hilton Head who wants to become a nurse. She is now in her thirties, has made some poor choices along the way, but works hard, is kind, ambitious, and capable. Her biggest problem is making excuses. She can't be a nurse here because "Hilton Head High was a lousy school and didn't teach me," or "I don't want to go to TCL or USCB," etc.

    • Carving a niche

    Posted by dlauderdale at 8:14 am, Tuesday, July 24th, 2007
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    [img_assist|nid=22802|title=John Williams|desc=|link=node|align=left|width=150|height=89]

    Wood carver CC Williams is a Lowcountry landmark, selling his handmade goods by the side of U.S., 17 near McClellanville.

    Now our sister paper, the Sun News, tells us he has a brother up the road in Pawleys Island carrying on the family tradition. John Williams learned to carve canes from his brother, who learned it from their father.

    Grab your bikinis, girls, it's time to teach some nuclear science

    Posted by elizfarrell at 11:54 am, Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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    I'm warning you. This is going to be very offensive, but to heck with political correctness. Let's just call a pig a pig. Men are pigs. And, yes, not all men are pigs, blah blah blah. I know there are a few out there who think Pamela Anderson would look better in a turtleneck and a librarian bun (which she later takes off and shakes out at his apartment) or a few who really do go to Hooters for the wing sauce (those little shorts are made of wing sauce, right?). But even the most intellectual-looking guy with hot nerd glasses will lose his composure (if just for a brief, undetectable second) over a sexy, put-it-all-out-there girl. It's just how things work so I'm not going to waste time passing out "Dogs Shouldn't Hump My Leg" bumper stickers. It's a shocking fact of life, I know: Straight guys like the ladies. So much so that some guys will pay extra to get them to do ridiculous things. Don't believe it? Wait, what am I saying? ... I know you believe it, but read this story anyway: Bikini-clad women mow lawns in Memphis. Or, if you really need convincing, watch the video on Action News WMC-TV Memphis.

    Vlogged down by Democrats

    Posted by dlauderdale at 8:48 am, Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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    The debate: The big buzz in the Lowcountry today is the CNN YouTube Democratic presidential debate tonight at The Citadel in Charleston.

    It's too late to submit your video question, but here's the link to a pre-debate roundup and post-debate discussion.

    What would you ask them? What would you put on your video?

    [img_assist|nid=22778|title=Sheldon Church|desc=|link=node|align=left|width=150|height=91]

    Online Church

    Posted by dlauderdale at 10:52 am, Sunday, July 22nd, 2007
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    [img_assist|nid=22765|title=Seacoast Church|desc=Title of the church's current sermon series.|link=node|align=left|width=150|height=104]

  • Holy scrollers: The Seacoast Church based in Mount Pleasant now offers online worship.

    • Homeless in Paradise

    Posted by dlauderdale at 11:41 am, Saturday, July 21st, 2007
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  • Beat the bushes: The Beaufort Gazette says: A plate of food can tell Salvation Army Director Dan Whittaker more about homelessness than any report.

    • Quote:
    Beaufort County participated in a state-wide homeless survey from Jan. 24 to Feb. 9 that counted 28 homeless people in the county.

    "We beat the bushes trying to find people," said county housing coordinator Shirley Wilkins, who described finding camps in the woods on Hilton Head Island.

    Hanged in her Wedding Dress

    Posted by dlauderdale at 5:38 pm, Friday, July 20th, 2007
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    [img_assist|nid=22731|title=Lowcountry scene|desc=Buy local shrimp, before this snippet of life by the docks on Jeremy Creek fades away.|link=node|align=top|width=590|height=443]

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  • Message to hell: Today Show travel editor Peter Greenberg unearths this Charleston legend in his review of our Lowcountry capital.