In five years, Kim Kardashian is totally going to be the mayor of Glendale, Calif., y’all.
No, seriously, she’s got a plan and everything. It starts with buying a big house in Glendale because somebody told her she has to live there to run the show or something, and it ends with batting her eyes at the city’s apparently large Armenian population.
And boom: Kim Kardashian, politician. It’s that easy. Republicans, take note: This whole GOP race for the presidential nomination could have wrapped up ages ago if you folks had just bought a house in Washington, D.C., and applied some fake eyelashes.
Kimmie K. announced her intention to run on an episode of “Khloe and Lamar,” naturally — because that’s where all good campaigns get started. I think she was inspired by the Ross Perot Museum — when she and Khloe drove past it, she was all, “Hey, remember when he ran for president? Like, I could totally do that.”
Khloe’s response: “Well, if you’re going to be mayor of Glendale, I’m going to be mayor of Dallas,” followed by “Interesting, Kimberly. Very, very interesting.”
Khloe is now my favorite Kardashian. Sorry, Bruce Jenner. That guest stint on Season 1 of “Murder, She Wrote” only gets you so far.
I can’t even imagine what a Kardashian in office would look like. Though I’m pretty sure it would involve tanning beds at Town Hall, a studio for the reality TV crew from E! and a couple of Cabinet positions for her sisters. Oh, and maybe a little Kanye thrown in there for good measure. I bet he’d make one heck of a town manager. Or he could be her speechwriter! Hello, MTV Video Music Awards 2009? No one could have said it better (or, you know, worse).
You think “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” is hard? Try “Keeping Up with Kalifornia.”
Why do celebrities think they need to do more in life than be really, really good looking? It’s just not necessary. Stick with what you’re good at, famous people: Being famous.
I mean, really, the move from the TV or movie studio to the Governor’s Mansion hasn’t really worked out for too many stars. Sure, Arnold Schwarzeneggar did OK as California’s governor, if you don’t mind that whole “girlie man” thing or the state’s skyrocketing unemployment rate.
And, OK, I guess Jesse “The Body” Ventura did OK in Minnesota, but it wasn’t that long ago that he was making crazy claims about the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and headlining a show called “Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.” I’m pretty sure his time in office isn’t something the state’s all too jazzed about these days.
Nope, I think we could all learn something from “Murder, She Wrote”’s J.B. Fletcher, who, when asked to run for mayor of Cabot Cove, politely turned down the adoring townsfolk because “she’s a writer, not a politician.”
Celebrities, please, for the sake of America, stick to your day jobs. You might not have noticed, but we’ve kind of been dealing with some stuff — nothing major, just a recession, the most divided Congress in years, setting the women’s rights movement back about 50 years and a pesky throwdown with North Korea over nuclear weapons — and we just can’t make room at the White House for the paparazzi.
Think of it this way: If you had to ride around in government-issued black cars with tinted windows and drivers, how could you get your day in court after dinging a police officer’s car or bumping into pedestrians? Have we learned nothing from Lindsay Lohan?
And if that doesn’t make you reconsider your political future, there’s this to consider: There’s definitely no room in the budget for tanning beds at Town Hall.