I haven’t always hated Halloween.
Crisp autumn air, horror movie marathons, apple cider, pumpkin carving, shoveling nauseating amounts of candy corn into your face — what’s not to like, right?
During my first dozen or so years on this planet, I waited with bated breath until the night I could don my costume and dart out into the darkened streets of my neighborhood with my friends, pillowcases in tow to help gather enough candy to keep our blood glucose levels at near comatose levels for weeks.
So what happened? When did I become the Halloween Grinch?
We happened. Adults happened.
Adults have commandeered Halloween. We’ve made this holiday about us, as if we needed another reason to be self-indulgent, self-involved jerks.
Halloween has joined the ranks of St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo and Secretary’s Day as holidays that serve little purpose beyond giving adults an excuse to dress outrageously, behave irresponsibly and make questionable decisions with the person who takes their messages.
I’m not against a good time but I don’t need a holiday whose origins I barely understand to tell me it’s OK to have a few drinks and say or do things I’ll inevitably regret.
I’m over Halloween. No more scantily clad referee, firefighter or nurse for me.
No more celebrity-of-the-moment costumes, and don’t get me started on the people who toil over their costumes and actually put in the time and effort required to make them authentic-looking or clever.
If you spent as much time in class as you spent working on that bang-up Stormtrooper costume, your house wouldn’t be getting foreclosed on and we might have a few viable alternative energy sources. Thanks a lot, George Lucas, for making your fictional world so immersive.
But unless I’m willing to swoop into Beaufort or Bluffton and make off with everyone’s candy, costumes and pumpkins before daybreak, Halloween in the Lowcountry likely will proceed as planned so I might as well attempt to get in the spirit.
For you this week, eight ghoushly-titled songs. Sorry, no “Monster Mash,” “Thriller” or “Purple People Eaters” here. Grow up.
Here’s hoping we all come to our senses, give Halloween back to the kids and remember what this holiday is supposed to be about — vandalism, petit larceny, tooth decay and childhood obesity.
• Dusty Springfield, “Spooky” — A groovy, smoky little song from this iconic British chanteuse.
• Band of Skulls, “Blood” — As potent a pair of Halloween-themed names as you’re likely to find in pop music.
• Neil Young, “Vampire Blues” — A Neil Young song about vampires? How awe ... oh, it’s about oil. Well, OK.
• Broken Bells, “The Ghost Inside” — The Shins’ James Mercer and megaproducer Danger Mouse team up on this upbeat, funky song.
• Dead Man’s Bones, “In the Room Where You Sleep” — This duo, featuring actor Ryan Gosling, seemed to exist only to produce Halloween music. Not complaining. A very fun, spooky song.
• Friendly Fires, “Skeleton Boy” — Get that Snooki-a-like at your Halloween party dancing with this one.
• Squirrel Nut Zippers, “Hell” — Remember this one? This hit song evokes an eternal damnation spent with a dapper-looking, horn- and hoof-less devil who can throw one helluva party.
• Kanye West featuring Rick Ross, Jay-Z and Nicki Minaj, “Monster” — Nicki Minaj shines on a track that also features fierce verses from Kanye and Jay-Z. Said it once, I’ll say it again: Kanye is a genius. WARNING: EXPLICIT LYRICS
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