"Beatles: Rock Band" - Bigger Than Mario, or, All You Need Is $249.99

Posted by jvrabel at 12:55 pm, Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
Posted in 

Ladies and gentlemen: The Beatles. This week, one of rock’s best-ever bands (yeah, that’s right, we said it, Scorpions), made the move to the world of multimedia nerd-ery with the release of “The Beatles: Rock Band.” And yet, we are saddened to have to report these...

Reasons ‘The Beatles: Rock Band’ is disappointing

• Lacks option to be the walrus

• Perpetuates the myth that Paul is alive.

• Is consistently less fun than its predecessor, Ringo Kong

• Sneak preview for “Rock Band: Wings” is a letdown.

• Lyrics to “Paperback Gamer” don’t actually make any sense.

• Have to play game backwards to decipher secret messages telling you how to defeat Zombie Paul in “Resident Evil.”

• By level 64, you’re sort of done with it.

• Only unlockable feature is a commentary by your mother telling you about how she doesn’t understand where popular music went so wrong.

• Ringo Mode: Four hours of bonus gameplay featuring the drummer sitting on a couch from 1970-1999.

• At the end of the game, Michael Jackson purchases all of your high scores and leases them to Nike.

• Lacks a Poor Choice in Wives mode.

• You can’t win without a little help from your friends.

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