Does a bride have a say if her parents pay?

Every little girl dreams of that wonderful day when she can walk down the aisle and stand up in front of family and friends, and when asked “Do you take this man to be your husband?,” triumphantly declare “I DO!” then be swept up in a swirl of kisses and smiles and love and cheers.

The dress. The music. The food. The flowers. The dancing. The embarrassing relatives. (OK, that’s usually more reality than part of the fantasy). The “Just Married” sign on the back of your car fading into the distance as a group of merry well-wishers vigorously wave goodbye. All the scenes played over in your head and played out on the movie screen imply that this is YOUR day.

Or is it?

I recently described an ongoing debate between me and my parents whether to serve cupcakes or a wedding cake. In response to our dilemma, one person wrote: “Who’s paying the bill? If you, fine, have what you want. Mom and Dad footing the bill, enjoy the cake.”

Well, I take issue with that solution.

Most likely, money is an element that’s blissfully missing from most little girls’ wedding dreams. It was certainly missing for me.

But now it’s right in my face with a stranger judging me for wanting my wedding to reflect ME and not my mother.

Here are the reasons why I think it is OK to make my own decisions and disagree with my parents even though they are coughing up the bucks:

• If I go out to eat at a restaurant and someone else pays, would I let that person order for me? No. What if he or she orders a whole tray full of pickles and olives, the two foods I hate most in the world? It’s a waste of money because I wouldn’t eat it.

But, if someone else does pay for me, I usually wouldn’t order the most expensive item on the menu out of consideration.

It’s the same as paying for the wedding: Just because my dad is footing the bill doesn’t mean he gets to pick out my wedding dress (even though that would be one of the funniest shopping excursions ever witnessed).

Likewise, I don’t plan on choosing a dress that costs a fortune, but I want one that makes me look and feel beautiful. I think my dad would want the same because he knows that making the bride happy is priceless.

• The entire wedding planning process is a lesson in compromise. My dreams and ideas only begin to take shape after they are discussed and combined with those of my fiance and my family. For example, we originally wanted to get married on the beach, but then we realized it was a little too far and complicated for out-of-town guests. Instead, we decided to have the ceremony on the bluffs along Bay Street overlooking the Beaufort River. It’s much closer to our reception site and it stays true to our original vision of sharing our vows in a simple, outdoor setting.

• My parents are realistic also. They know that it’s a struggle for me to make ends meet on a journalist’s salary and if I had to pay for the wedding it would most likely resemble a potluck barbecue in the backyard — which would be totally fine — it’s just that my parents can afford to make the event amazing and unforgettable and I am very grateful to them for offering to pay to make my special day come true.

Comments (0) |

---

By submitting your comment, you are agreeing to islandpacket.com's user agreement.

Views: