Liz Farrell is the editor of Lowcountry Current. She is a native Bostonian and a graduate of Gettysburg College. She is excellent at wasting time, loves to drink coffee and read, and has made Google-Image-stalking Tom Selleck a real pastime.
Well, it's a good thing Fathers' Day isn't until June because we're all going to need a month to get over this past week. And poor little Miley Cyrus is especially going to need that time to hunt down the perfect card for her daddy (assuming they make "Dear Dad, Thanks for Pimping Me Out" cards. If not, they really should ... lord knows, there's a market for it).
Now, far be it from me to compare Billy Ray Cyrus to that dude in Austria who kept his daughter in a secret basement for 24 years while he raped her repeatedly (creating seven of his own grandchildren) or to that creep who apparently enjoys giving his 18-year-old daughter bikini waxes and driving her to her job at the brothel or to those wacky Mormons out West who had a virtual teenage bride factory going on ... but, let's just face it, folks, much like those indecencies, this picture on the right is downright ew. And I refuse to allow anyone to say it's my dirty mind that's the problem because ew, ew and ew. Most of the ew goes to the "Daughter? No this is my girlfriend ... wait ... daughter, right, daughter" pose. The rest of the ew is reserved for Billy Ray's hair (though I wonder what kind of hair iron he uses ... mine tends to make my hair look like straw ... his is so smooth ... maybe it's ... whoa. Way off-subject).
So, if you haven't heard by now, there's a big hulabaloo over little Hannah Montana's Lolita session with famous photographer Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair magazine (the father-daughter portrait above is from that shoot). In what should be a surprise to no one, Disney's sweetheart has officially graduated from Annette Funicello to a post-2000-MTV-video-awards-stripper-outfit Britney (I wonder who Miley's Federline will be ...).
The "big deal" here is that Miley's pictured in the magazine holding a sheet to her chest ... the insinuation, I guess, being that the 15-year-old just woke up naked next to all of America after a particularly embarrassing one-night-stand (Oh Annie, the irony! The irony!).
Miley has, of course, issued the obligatory "it's not my fault" apology to her fans but in the meantime, VanityFair.com has crashed under the weight of all the curious clickers in the world ... Funny what oversexualized teenagers can do for business - you know what I'm talking about, don't you, Billy Ray? ; )
Now while I'm a little surprised to see that Mr. Achy-Breaky Heart was able to procreate after keeping his cowboys so tightly bound in those horrible acid-wash jeans for all those years (I'm not even going to mention the girl-repellant mullet), I would like to think that he's kind of a good father (despite his "hot for my daughter" pose above). But shouldn't he know this road? I mean, we all seem to get it: pre-teen stardom + narcissistic stage parent + Disney + money + power + underage photo shoot for a major magazine = Lindsay "Save Me a Room at Rehab" Lohan. And talk about someone with daddy issues ...