Finally! Someone has found a way to use Photoshop for good and not evil. After years of being conditioned to accept as reality the perfect, but majorly touched-up, photos we see of celebrities and models in magazines, we can now catch a glimpse of what they'd look like with weight problems, bad hair, bad outfits and jobs at Wal-Mart (Ashlee Simpson is a store manager, by the way ... it's brilliant).
To see more works of genius by PlanetHiltron.com, click on the Jennifer Aniston photo on the right (yes, that's Jennifer Aniston) ... TMZ.com posted a gallery that includes Johnny Depp as a hairdresser from Guadalajara, Hugh Hefner on a Disney cruise for his 40th wedding anniversary and Ann Coulter as a lady of the night in Amsterdam. Again, not reality, but this fake world makes me feel a lot better about myself. Can't you just hear people telling Fat Jennifer Aniston, "But you have such a pretty face ...," which makes her so steaming mad she goes home to stuff herself with a gallon of Edy's and a box of Girl Scout cookies ... but only after eating most of a family-sized lasagna from Stouffer's. Then, right after watching "American Idol" and checking her e-mail to see if her Internet boyfriend from Canada responded (she told him she looks a lot like Rachel from "Friends"), Fat Jennifer Aniston makes a vow to join Weight Watchers (she'll have to put the cost on a credit card, but it's worth it). The next morning, she wakes up sad and achy but still determined to go to Weight Watchers because there's a McDonald's on the way there and it's before 10 a.m., which means bacon, egg and cheese biscuits, baby! ... [not that I've ever done any of this, mind you ...].
With these photos, the tables have turned. And, like I said, these are no more fake than the fakenesses we're exposed to every day. For instance, Paris Hilton's eyes are brown but she always wears blue contacts to cover them up. Janet Jackson's perfect abs are apparently drawn on with a spray tan. And the veneers! Is there any celebrity who has her own teeth anymore? Every star has been smoothed, stretched and redrawn to perfection on magazine covers, and we readily believe that this is the standard we should be working toward even though we know deep down the photo isn't telling the whole truth. The worst part? These magazine beauty tricks are sneaking into the way we normal people take photos. There's an entire niche industry built on glamour shots. And can you believe that HP even has a digital camera that makes you look like you lost 10 pounds? Oh, never mind ... who wouldn't want a camera like that? I know Fat Jennifer Aniston would probably go for it ..