Call me old-fashioned, but I'd rather there be abstinence in the city

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"Sex and the City" fans the world over are clicking their stiletto heels in glee because the day has finally come for a reunion of Carrie Bradshaw and Co. After years of just talk and drama, it's now been confirmed the show will return in the form of a movie. A movie!

I, myself, have just gotten over the extreme separation anxiety I felt when the show ended in 2004, so you'd think I'd be toasting this revival with whatever cocktail is fashionable these days (is it cosmos still, really?). But I'm not lifting a single martini glass in celebration. I feel like Miranda did in the episode when she found out she was having a boy but couldn't bring herself to be as excited about the prospect as everyone else around her seemed to be. A boy. A boy! A boy. A movie.

I know one probably has nothing to do with the other, but I have to say it anyway. I was a big fan of "The Brady Bunch" (I really was ... in reruns, mind you). And I have nightmares about the sheer embarrassment I felt when the Bradys reunited for "A Very Brady Christmas" ...The scene where they gathered outside the building where Mike was trapped to sing "O Come All Ye Faithful"? Oh God. The tears that streamed down my face were out of equal parts humiliation (because I had been so excited for that reunion and I think it was at that point I realized what a loser I was) and stress (I didn't want Mike to die ... not on Christmas).

I'm fully aware that "Sex and the City" is no "Brady Bunch," but I don't think I can handle it if Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte do something gimmicky or dumb (or worse, boring). I want them to be forever etched in my memory in 29-minute blocks of fabulous action and dialogue. Anything else worries me. For instance, what if they've aged so much we don't recognize them anymore? (It could happen). And Big. We all know his real name now ... what's the fun in that? Seriously, what plot could they possibly write to keep up with the right pace for a full-length film? And, you know what ... to be honest, I feel like these four abandoned me and now they want back in my life ... am I just supposed to accept that? With no apologies? Like nothing ever happened?

I'm so very alone on this one, aren't I?

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